Valentine’s Beard

Cap'n Jim with pistols

Mateys, it’s that time of year — yer on the prowl for a lass to take out on the 14th. Now, the Cap’n has a ship-full of good advice for ya. Ye need to guard yer treasure wisely, laddie. Ya didn’t swashbuckle on the seven seas just to lose every piece o’ gold ye got.

Cap’n Jim’s rule number one: First dates should be either coffee or drinks, period. Never dinner, matey. If she tries to schedule somethin’ during dinner hours, just tell her ye’re not free until after roundabout 9PM. Buy both of ye some rum and if there be any chemistry perhaps a few more glasses of ale. If not, kindly be excusin’ yourself at the 45-minute mark and be makin’ haste back to yer vessel.

Cap’n Jim’s rule number two: Make sure yer beard be well-groomed when ye meet the lassie. Ye don’t want her to think that yer just a member of the cabin crew instead of the Cap’n of yer ship. If ye need groomin’ help, well yer at the right place.

And, lastly, Cap’n Jim’s rule number three: Have a good time, matey! Swashbucklers like us know how to enjoy life!

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