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Define Your Beard

Let’s Talk About Classy Beards!

Avast, me hearties!

Cap’n Jim is feeling classy. And that, lads, be a rare thing indeed. The Cap’n, of course, is chawing about a classy beard. How do ye get a classy beard, ye may ask. Well, fear not, mighty swashbuckler! The Cap’n is here to tell ye exactly what to do. (The Cap’n likes tellin’ people exactly what they should do.)

The first step is to look starboard and to look aft. Find the beard or mustache style ye covet. Then ask yerself if that style fits yer mug. How can ye tell? Well, let me direct you to this here beard blog entry: Remember: If yer face is round, yer beard should be longer on the bottom than on the sides. If yer face is square, yer beard should be fuller on the chin and well-groomed on the sides. If yer face be rectangular, yer beard should be fuller on the sides and short on the bottom. If yer face be oval, a neatly trimmed beard will look good on ye.

Ye also might wanna beef up on yer knowledge of trendy beards. Ye can do that right here:

After that, ye have to reconcile yerself to a certain amount of beard itch. But fear not, rascally pirate, the Cap’n is here to help ye with that as well: The itch is no fun, but the end result is well worth it, matey.

If ye run into bear problems, the Cap’n has some solutions for ye as well:

Beard Split Ends: don’t let them happen in the first place. Don’t ever wash your beard with soap. All that does is dry it out. Use baby shampoo and conditioner on your beard. You also don’t need to buy expensive beard shampoo. The gentlest shampoo/conditioner you can find is in the baby aisle. If you already have split ends, grab some olive oil and slather your beard with it. Then put foil around it. Wait a few minutes. Remove. Wash out. Voila! No more split ends.

Razor Bumps: Splash cold water on your face right after a shave. If razor bumps are a continuous problem for you, then go one step further: put a cold compress on your face after a shave. (Just put ice cubes into a bag and press it against your chin.) Should a razor bump appear anyway, grab a teabag (black tea is preferable) briefly wet it in hot water and then let it cool in the fridge. Once it has cooled, press it against the offending bump and let the tannic acid do the rest.

Beard Dandruff: the result of too dry skin and yeast growth. Make sure you clean your beard on a regular basis, but not with harsh chemicals. Use the above mentioned baby shampoo. Combing your beard on a regular basis is also helpful – it aids with circulation. And the best-kept secret? Oats! They will soften and moisturize your beard. Cover your beard with oatmeal and put a hot towel over it. Wait a few minutes, remove, and clean. Beard dandruff will be a thing of the past.

Thin, scraggly beard: don’t forget that your DNA has a lot to do with your amount of facial hair. In other words, it’s not completely in your control. However, there are some things you can do to help beard growth and thickness. First of all, good news, the amount of your facial hair actually increases as you get older (unlike the hair on your head). Pay close attention to what you eat and make sure you include leafy greens (kale, spinach, etc) in your diet because they actually help your body metabolize estrogen, which means that you’ll have higher levels of testosterone, which aids your beard growth. You can also take supplements. Biotin aids hair growth. Exercise is good for you circulation, which carries vitamins and nutrients through your bloodstream and into your skin. It also stimulates testosterone creation. Both of these things will help you grow your best asset.

Ingrown facial hair: Clean your beard every day. Ingrown hairs are more likely if your skin is dirty or oily. Exfoliate your beard (and the skin underneath it) use some baking soda and mix it with liquid soap for that purpose. Afterwards rinse with warm water and apply moisturizer. Dry skin is more likely to get ingrown hairs. When you shave, it’s better if your facial hair is a bit wet. Wet facial hair cuts easier and creates less irritation, hence, it’s less likely to give you ingrown hairs.

And if yer the home remedy type, check out this here blog post about beard problem remedies that ye can find in yer cupboard:

Now ye can feel like the classy, handsome, bearded swashbuckler that ye are.

If ye have any questions, feel free to email the Cap’n. He always likes to hear from ye.


Cap’n Jim

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