That Blasted Beard Itch!

Ahoy, Mateys!

Let’s talk about a burning issue today… actually, more like an itchy one. We keep gettin’ emails from pirates asking us what to do about beard itch. Hence, I must down me bottle of rum (momentarily) to write another blog scroll about the itch that can ruin a swashbuckler’s life.

Ye know the feeling: you’ve decided to become a true manly man buccaneer and grow a beard. Yer all excited when ye stop shaving. Certainly, soon ye’ll be the scourge of the seven seas with yer best asset.  Women will worship ye, men will fear ye and all because of that mighty beard. But then, alas, what happens? Yer a week or so into yer beard growth journey and, suddenly, here it is. The itch that can make ye want to gnaw yer face off! What to do? When will this stop? Now, some old seadog will tell ye’ that it’s totally normal. Ye will always itch when ye first try to grow a beard and all ye have to do is tough it out and it will stop… eventually. Ye think to yerself “eventually?” “eventually???” “eventually?!?!” what is he talkin’ about? There is no way ye can deal with that until that unspecified time known as “eventually” arrives. So ye shave. No worries, lad, it’s what many swashbucklers do. But most of them get back on the horse… or, in our case, get the beard back on their faces… eventually.

Now, if this sounds familiar, let’s talk about what ye can do to avoid this blasted itch in the first place before ye tame that wild horse.

Here is the reason that yer beard itches: when yer beard grows, the hair follicles cut into yer skin and cause irritation which in turn causes that blasted itch. Now that yer not clean-shaven anymore, yer new beard also catches dead skin cells. Ye see, every single day yer mug sheds thousands of dead skin cells. Without a beard, they simply fall off. But with a beard, they can get trapped in yer beard hair and cause skin irritation and itchiness.

Of course, yer beard can also start itching if ye had it for a while. In that case, yer most likely dealing with dry skin and hair damage caused by heat or harsh soaps. Either way, the solutions to the itch are the same:

Firstly, clean yer best asset. Ye wanna get rid of the skin cells and food particles that get trapped there. And – the Cap’n has said it many times – don’t, I repeat, DON’T use soap or anything else you’d use on yer hands. It’s hair we’re dealing with! Shampoo will do the trick nicely for most pirates. But for some of ye swashbucklers, even regular shampoo might be too harsh for yer mug. ‘Cause it’s yer mug – in other words, it involves the sometimes very sensitive skin on yer face. Now, without touting our own horn (even though the Cap’n likes doing that) other beard blogs might now try to sell ye expensive beard shampoo. That’s not us! We are just tryin’ to help ye, matey. Not only yer beard, but also yer pocket book. By all means, if ye got the extra doubloons in yer pocket, try out whatever high-priced beard shampoo strikes yer fancy. But if ye have to household yer cash (like most of us) go to the nearest store and buy baby shampoo. The store brand is fine. Yes, that’s right! Regular, run-of-the-mill baby shampoo. It’s a lot more cost effective than the fancy beard stuff and as gentle as ye can get.

After washing yer beard, use a hair conditioner to soften it and take care of possible split ends. (Yes, matey, yer beard hair can also get split ends.)  Don’t forget to wash it out. The Cap’n doesn’t suggest leave-in conditioner, ‘cause that can also irritate the skin on yer chin.

Do not blow dry yer beard and if ye even think of using a curling iron on yer best asset, the Cap’n will make ye walk the plank right now. Seriously, it’s bad for yer beard. (And, frankly, the Cap’n thinks it’s bad for yer manliness as well.)

The Cap’n also highly recommends ye use a beard or mustache comb. If ye comb yer beard every day, not only will ye be a dapper and handsome pirate, ye will also help yer hair follicles grow into a single direction. That in turn will make yer skin less irritated, which will make it itch less.              

Always feel free to get in touch with us. The Cap’n and his crew love hearing from ye pirates.


Cap’n Jim

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