Mateys, on this gray winter day the Cap’n has a story about a beard for ye to brighten yer day. Once upon a time, there was a gray beard. He was gray because he was… well… shall we say “maturing.” Now, the gray beard didn’t want to be gray… and certainly didn’t want to “mature.” So he looked far and wide for a solution to his conundrum. He happened upon a product — for purposes of this story, let’s call it “Not For Me” — and decided to give this product a try. It promised salvation. The end of a gray beard and the return of a luscious brown beard. Our gray beard went to work with “Not For Me.” It was a long process. He had to carefully mix products together, then he had to apply them… all the while breathing in noxious fumes. Then he had to wait… When he was done waiting, he had to take a shower. Finally, finally, he was ready to face the world… once again in possession of a brown beard. Pleased, he looked in the mirror. And that’s when it started: the burning, the itching, the redness. Oh, no! He had an allergic reaction. He carefully read the ingredients on the box. “Not For Me” contained many, many chemicals. Our gray beard kept on hoping against hope that his face would adjust to the chemicals. He waited a day, then two, then three. The itching and the redness just got worse. And on top of it, now the gray roots of his beard had grown out and it was clear to everyone with even bad vision that he had tried to hide the gray in his beard by means of beard dye. He finally gave up. With an oh-so-heavy heart, he grabbed his electric shaver. Took one last longing look at his old friend, the beard. The beard that had been with him for so long. The beard he loved like a brother. The beard that gave his face such a strong contour. Crying, he shaved it all off. He hasn’t been the same ever since. Now, mateys, the moral of this story is: this won’t happen to you. Because you, mateys, have chosen the path to eternal beard happiness: Blackbeard for Men. No harsh chemicals, easy and quick to use, and it always, always looks natural. Now, ye swashbucklers, that should make ye feel good on this gray and gloomy winter weekend. Beard on!