Help! Beard Dandruff!

Ahoy, Mateys!

Let’s talk about those little flakes — and no, I’m not talkin’ about cornflakes — but about those tiny white specks that sometimes show up in yer beard (other than the occasional food particles). Yes, mateys, beard dandruff. It exists. For those of ye lads lucky enough to think dandruff only happens on top of yer head, it doesn’t. Take it from me.

Why, you may ask, do I get dandruff in my beard of all places? Well, for the same reason ye get it on top of yer head: dry, itchy, flaking skin. That dry skin tends to get worse as the weather gets colder. Hello, fall! Another reason is yeast. Here is the thing, pirates, without yer best asset, the sunlight slows the growth of yeast on yer skin. But yer facial hair blocks the ultraviolet light, hence, yeast grows more quickly. So, if ye don’t take care of this matter right away, things will just get worse.

Swashbucklers, here is what ye need to do to conquer the beard dandruff:

Wash yer beard on a regular basis. And, please, me hearties, not with soap. As I’ve been tellin’ ye for a long time now, don’t use the same product on yer beard that ye use on yer hands. It’ll just dry everything out and make yer beard more itchy and flaky. In a pinch, the shampoo that ye use for the hair on yer head will do. But for best results, use a beard shampoo. Beard shampoos are specially formulated for the facial hair. Ye might have noticed that yer facial hair has a different consistency and feel than the hair on top of yer head. Well, there be a reason for that. It’s different and needs its own product.

If ye had a bad run marauding yer way through the seven seas and don’t want to spring for specially formulated beard shampoo, here is a little trick that will soften and moisturize yer beard: oats! Yeah, like the thing they feed the horses and the vegetarians. Buy a can of oats (very cheap) and dissolve it in hot water. Essentially, cover yer beard with oatmeal, put a hot towel over it, and let it sit for a few minutes. This will go a long way towards calming the itchy, flaky skin.

The Cap’n has also noticed that the dandruff becomes bothersome when he is stressed. Ye know, like when he spots a man-o’-war off in the distance. (Swashbucklers in possession of a powerful warship with lots of cannons.) Hence, lads, avoid as much stress as ye can. Not only good for yer ticker, but also good for yer lady tickler.

The Cap’n

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