Groom Thyself!

Ahoy, me hearties!

Summer be over and done with. Let me repeat that for the swashbucklers who still have rum in their ears: summer be over and done with. No, that doesn’t mean that ‘winter is coming’ (note how I got the pop culture thingy in there – the buccaneers have told the Cap’n that pop culture thingies are just as important as remembering where ye buried yer gold).

What does it mean that summer is over? It means ye can’t get away with yer slovenly look, swashbuckler. Ye know that during the summer – especially if it’s a scorcher like this last one – ye can get away without being perfectly groomed. Yer fellow pirates will forgive yer maybe not quite manly look. But that all stops once the weather cools again. In other words, now!

So start grooming, matey. Start grooming. Of course, the Cap’n and his crew are here to help.

First, decide on yer favored look. If ye wanna know what’s trendy in the beard department, ye can check the Cap’n’s here blog scroll:

Of course, ye shouldn’t simply pick any beard style. The beard style has got to fit the pirate. Remember: If yer face is round, yer beard should be longer on the bottom than on the sides. If yer face is square, yer beard should be fuller on the chin and well-groomed on the sides. If yer face be rectangular, yer beard should be fuller on the sides and short on the bottom. If yer face be oval, a neatly trimmed beard will look good on ye. The Cap’n has chawed about what fits yer mug a lot. (After all, the Cap’n likes tellin’ people what to do.) If ye need a primer, check out this momentous memento:

Now, go forth, you handsome swashbuckler and conquer the Seven Seas.

Needless to say, feel free to email the Cap’n. He always likes to hear from you (as well as talk about himself in the third person).


The Cap’n

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Rick W.

I really do love the product and the results. Been using it for years. I put it on and then rub my beard with a dry washcloth. Same for the “Rick W.”

John F.

Got it, thank you! Already getting the attention of much younger ladies😀 ~ John F.


I’m a young guy who plays sports and is at the gym 5 days a week. My hair is dark brown, but my beard has a lot of grey in “Kevin”

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