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Testosterone for your Beard!

Ahoy, Mateys!

The Cap’n is feelin’ smart today. Must be that new liquid diet he’s on: a pint of ale plus a nice, well-sized mug of rum four times a day. Does wonders for yer health.

Anyway, since the Cap’n be feelin’ smart today, he wants to talk about science. Beard science, of course.

Lads, I’m sure ye know (‘cause I’ve told ye before) that testosterone – ye know, the hormone – is vital for growing a healthy beard. Ye may know that hormone from bein’ a wee lad… and, suddenly, you weren’t such a wee lad anymore ‘cause many bodily things changed for ye. The cause of that was the aforementioned testosterone.

Now, later in life, testosterone has many important functions for ye as well: if ye don’t have enough of it, ye might gain weight and become a roly-poly pirate; ye might have ticker problems; and, worst of all, ye might not be interested in wenches anymore. Don’t believe me? Fine. Check out what (other) smart people had to say about that: and

Worst-worst of all, though, yer beard won’t grow properly if ye lack testosterone. And we can’t have that – swarthy swashbucklers that we are. But, don’t fret, matey, there are things ye can do when yer testosterone won’t behave.

  1. Lift Weights. Now, buccaneers, all exercise is good for ye and yer testosterone levels; but lifting weights (or any sort of resistance training) is the absolute best to increase yer testosterone levels. So, pirate, get thee to the gym.
  2. Watch What Ye Eat. Balance is the name of the game, lads. And if ye want to increase yer testosterone levels, ye might not want to follow the Cap’n’s above-mentioned diet plan. (‘Cause the Cap’n, mighty buccaneer and scourge of the seven seas that he is, has so much testosterone, he has to actively work on lowering it.) Instead, ye wanna have a good balance between protein, carbs, and certain fats. In other words, eat a balanced diet and focus on whole foods.
  3. Relax and Get Enough Sleep. When yer stressed, lads, yer testosterone goes down. Like when yer Cap’n has his boot up yer behind or yer wench be chasin’ you with a rolling pin. Stress makes yer cortisol (another hormone) rise. When that rises, testosterone goes down. Don’t let that happen! Think of yer beard! Breathe, relax, drink. Whatever ye have to do. Also, make sure to get yer seven to eight hours shut-eye per night.
  4. Get Sun. Not only is it good for yer mood and yer tan; it’s good for yer vitamin D levels as well. And enough vitamin D is good for yer testosterone production. So sun yerself on deck and feel the wind on yer pirate nose. And yer beard will thank ye.
  5. Take Supplements. If ye don’t get enough sun, take a vitamin D supplement. And make sure to take zinc as well. They’ve done studies where zinc greatly improved testosterone levels: check ‘em out here and here
  6. Watch Yer Lifestyle. Don’t drink as much as the Cap’n and don’t do (too many) drugs. Ye also want to stay away from estrogen (that’s the wench hormone). Some chemicals in plastics have estrogen-like properties (BPA and parabens). So ye wanna keep a watchful pirate eye on that.

Now, go for the gold and stroke yer manly-man pirate beard. As always, the Cap’n and his crew are happy to hear from ye!

May fair winds fill yer sails!

The Cap’n

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