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Birthdays. Aargh.


As yer Cap'n writes this, I be just days away from me birthday. Not sure why we celebrate this day. Who wants to be a year older? Let's face it, with the exception of the ultra-rich and the globalist elites who seem curiously impervious to meeting their maker, all of us kick the proverbial bucket someday. And I be in no hurry to get there!

But that gets me to thinking (and that is indeed a rare occurrence)... it was eight years ago that I first came up with the idea for Blackbeard for Men. As a virile and strapping lad in me 40s (hey, no cracks!) I was perturbed by the infestation of white creeping into me devilishly suave goatee. I didn't have a single gray hair on me head (at the time,) and had meself a full head of hair to boot. But me consarned mustache and beard were awash with gray! Not only was it baffling, it made me look like a damn geezer.

Aye, of course I tried out the drug store beard dye, and while I found the application process tedious and awful -- the acrid stench from the chemicals in the dye were just terrible, like an explosion at a chemical plant -- at least the result looked pretty good. For a minute.

About three days later, I had white roots showing. What? Surely they didn't expect me to go through that outrageous process yet again? Apparently, they did.

I kept this insanity up for about three weeks until, by way of a blessing from the sea god Neptune himself, I developed a terrible itching/burning on my chin. I had obviously developed a sensitivity to the dye. And no wonder -- ye be applying foul, toxic chemicals directly onto yer mug! I threw the rest of that wretched beard dye overboard and for a few weeks researched other solutions. But apart from henna dyes, which take several applications to build up color intensity and are expensive, it was drier out there than a distillery during prohibition.

Lo and behold, that's when the Cap'n's childhood buddy Bram sailed into port for a short visit. Over a few pints, I confided I was envious of his deep, black beard, which seemed to defy aging. He laughed and let slip that his wife had been touching up the abundant gray in his beard with mascara, so he started doing it as well! I was hornswoggled. Could the solution be so easy?

The answer was: no. I bought up every brand of mascara I could find, and alas, they were all problematic. Many ran terribly when wet; others lasted a few hours, tops, and still others dried hard and stiff. And while yer Cap'n likes things hard and stiff, lad, me beard ain't one of those things. I tried several other types of make-up as well and could find nothing that did what I wanted it to. So I reached out to a highly regarded cosmetics lab and pitched me idea to them: work with me to develop a daily use formulation specifically designed for men's coarse beard hair that is waterproof, hypoallergenic, and goes on fast, with no awful odor or hassle. As ye likely know, I succeeded in that quest! And eight years later, Blackbeard for Men helps men around the globe regain and maintain their youthful appearance -- and get rid of the gray.

So now me 40s have become me 50s, and indeed, there is a bit of that cursed gray now creeping in at the temples. But even as I "celebrate" another spin around the planet, I take heart knowing that arr, I still look pretty good -- thanks to Blackbeard! Just yesterday, an associate of mine remarked that he could not believe I was turning 54. At 45, he always thought he was older than me!

Needless to say, I sent him a complimentary 3-pack of Blackbeard for Men.

Wishing all of ye a happy birthday for whenever your day comes, and remember lads -- don't ever let 'em see ye age!

Cap'n Jim

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