The Bearded Pirates’ Christmas!

Ahoy, Mateys!

We’re in the midst of the holiday season and ye may wonder how you, as a bearded pirate, should conduct the upcoming festivities. It’s a time of caroling, dancing, and drinking. And we’re good at one of those things. No, it ain’t dancing. And don’t get me started on caroling. Seriously, don’t. Not good… for yer ears.

Every year, when we’re marauding through the Caribbean, we stop at one of our hideouts. And after we’ve buried our treasure – first things first – we pick up some greenery for decoratin’. Ye know, some pine boughs and some flowery stuff. We also hunt our meal – a good old-fashioned wild boar. I’m tellin’ ya, mateys, those Caribbean islands are overrun with boar. And it makes a fine meal for the Cap’n and his lads. Needless to say, we never run out of rum, since it’s the most important ingredient at any celebration.

(Rum is, of course, also good for regular days. And if ye need to keep a corpse fresh to get it to land. Some lads want to be buried in the ground instead of at sea. That’s where the expression “stiff drink” comes from. Ye know, a stiff.)

Us pirates sing carols – mind ye, off key – like “The First Noel” and “I Saw Three Ships” (that one’s really fitting for a pirate Christmas).

Sometimes we even celebrate the holidays on shore. My good ole’ buddy Samuel Bellamy – ye may have heard of him under the name “Black Sam” – once took over an entire English colony during the holidays. His party was so successful and raucous that it impressed the townsfolk to no end. In fact, they were so impressed that when Black Sam set sail again, most of the male inhabitants of the town went with him.

If yer celebratin’ on shore, maybe somewhere on a beach in the Caribbean, then you and yer beard can engage in that age-old tradition of building a snowman. Only it won’t be made of snow, but sand. Us pirates like to build a Jolly Roger Sandman.

However ye choose to celebrate the holidays, mateys, the Cap’n and his crew want to wish ye a great time. To say thank ye for your continued loyalty, we’ve got a couple of sales comin’ up that we’re sure ye’ll enjoy.

As always, feel free to get in touch with us. We always like to hear from you!
Happy Holidays! And may the wind be always at yer back!

The Cap’n

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