Once in a while, us pirates need to shape our beards. Ye know, if we go maraudin’ or if it’s a holiday or if we’re breaking bread with a pretty lassie it’s good to groom. The problem with groomin’ that magnificent facial hair of ours is that sometimes those little red pustules appear – razor bumps. Lads, we’re suave swashbucklers, not pimply teenagers. Razor bumps just won’t do! But what can we do if they appear?
Well, let’s start with what causes them. When ye groom and shape yer beard, the edges of the hairs which ye shaved become quite sharp and irritate the skin. That’s cause the skin has them pegged as a foreign object, which is suddenly poking it and responds with bumps, redness, and inflammation.
What can we do? In general, it’s always a good idea to splash cold water on yer face right after grooming yer mug. If ye got razor bumps, ye can go even further: try a cold compress. Put ice cubes into a bag and press it against the offending bump for a few minutes. It’ll prevent the bump from forming in the first place. Also, if ye feel yer skin burnin’ a bit after a too-close shave, the ice bag will take care of that as well.
The next remedy ye may have seen yer lassie use. Ye may sometimes see a pirate lady recline with teabags on her eyes. As they say, what’s good for the goose, is good for the gander. If yer sufferin’ from razor bumps, use teabags. Black teabags are preferable, cause they’ve got a lot of tannic acid in ‘em. And that helps take care of all kinds of inflammation and redness. Grab yer teabag and wet it with warm water, then let it cool in the fridge. Once it’s moist and cold, press it against yer razor bumps. Ye’ll soon feel the relief.
Here be another remedy we’ve learned from the lassies. Ye know, sometimes ye come below deck and open yer cabin door just to be greeted by a Martian. Ye raise yer hook in fear until ye notice that the Martian is really yer lassie wearing a green facial mask. It might be green cause it’s cucumber. Cucumber has a hydrating effect on the skin as well as plenty of vitamins K and C. All good stuff, that’s why the lassies use it. And you can do the same. Put a cucumber together with some milk into a blender and puree the whole thing. Then put it in the fridge until its cold. Afterwards, put it on yer mug – the lower part, where ye shave, otherwise ye too will look like a complete Martian.
Ye can also cut an Aloe Vera leaf and spread the fresh gel on yer razor bumps. Aloe has skin soothing properties and lots of good nutrients like vitamins, minerals, and enzymes. Please note, if ye been scratching and have damaged yer skin that way, don’t use Aloe Vera, it might make it worse.
Then there’s always sugar. Let’s face it, we all like our sugar. But did ye know ye can do more with it than consume it? Ye can even use it for exfoliation. Mix together sugar with some olive oil, rub that mixture on yer chin and leave it there for a bit before ye wash it off. The sugar crystals remove all of the dead skin cells gently enough to not cause any damage. Dead skin cells can block yer pores, which can lead to inflammation and swollen pustules. It also moisturizes yer mug. Ye don’t want dry skin, especially if yer tending towards razor bumps. Dry skin gets flaky and itchy – both are a no-no for suave pirates like us.
As always, if ye have any questions or comments about beard-related topics, feel free to give the Cap’n a holler either with carrier pigeons, 10-cannon salutes, or via email.