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Monthly Archives: December 2016

The Beard In Review!

The Beard In Review!

Ahoy, Mateys!

‘Tis the season. The season when every pirate and their grandmother writes about the past year. The highs. The lows. The never-forgets as well as the forget-it-quickly-if-ye-wanna-keep-yer-sanity. So as not to be outdone by some landlubbers, we thought we’d do the same. Here then is the “Beard in Review.”

First of all, though, let me give ye some good advice. Yer highs should go into the never-forget column (the easiest way to accomplish that is to scrawl ‘em on a scroll and stab it into yer cabin door with a bloody ceremonial knife) and yer lows should go into the forget-it-stat column (that’s an easy one, use rum.)

Let’s talk about our 2016 beard. As always, the Cap’n has had a lot of good advice regarding beard care (and always enjoys talking about himself in the third person).

The Cap’n has given his opinion on far-ranging subjects such as how to shape a beard ( and support yer manly-man look ( as well as given easy to follow instructions on such sensitive topics as beard growth ( and shown you tips and tricks so you, too, can grow a thick beard ( And, of course, the Cap’n has many, many times talked about the subject most near and dear to his blackguard heart – the gray beard and how to do battle with that scourge of the seven seas (

The Cap’n has also endeavored to educate the crew on many fine subjects like sociology ( when he explored why men grow their best assets in the first place and world history ( when he dove headlong into the long and storied history of the facial hair.

Needless to say, this worldly buccaneer of the seven seas – the Cap’n – has also many hard-fought battles and mighty victories under his belt and, hence, loves to give his fellow pirates advice on how to combat beard problems. The Cap’n kicks the collective razor bump Heini here: He demolishes beard dandruff with this handy article: and cuts down ingrown facial hair right here:

But the Cap’n is most proud of his exposés on such complex subjects as beard dye ( in which he researched beard dye and all of its harmful side effects – and learned how to spell such beauties as “ethanolamine” and “resorcinol” – and learned that even so-called progressive beard dyes (the supposedly softer and gentler kind) are just as harmful as any ole’ beard dye (which, let’s face it, could also be used as a chemical weapon’s component). The Cap’n – quite naturally – is also full of testosterone, which is why he studied the correlation between testosterone and beard growth (

As it turns out, all of the Cap’n’s effort in smoothing out the sometimes rough lifestyle seas for his fellow pirates paid off. The Cap’n’s Blog Scroll was named as one of the best beard blogs on the web. Ye can read all about it here:

Pirates, swashbucklers, buccaneers, we hope ye had a great 2016 (or at least an acceptable one) and all of us are looking forward to sailing with you into a groovy 2017 full of adventures, exotic locations, lustful lassies and, of course, beards.

May the wind be always at yer back!

Happy New Year!
The Cap’n

The Bearded Pirates’ Christmas!

The Bearded Pirates’ Christmas!

Ahoy, Mateys! We’re in the midst of the holiday season and ye may wonder how you, as a bearded pirate, should conduct the upcoming festivities. It’s a time of caroling, dancing, and drinking. And we’re good at one of those things. No, it ain’t dancing. And don’t get me started on caroling. Seriously, don’t. Not… Continue Reading

Stocking Stuffers for your Beard!

Stocking Stuffers for your Beard!

Ahoy, Mateys! ‘Tis the season. And right about now ye might be looking for that perfect gift for yer best asset. That would be yer beard, of course. (My beard’s got its own stocking hangin’ in my vessel’s cabin.) What does yer beard need in the way of beard accessories ye may ask? Well, since… Continue Reading

Top 20 Beard Blog, WHAAAT?

Top 20 Beard Blog, WHAAAT?

Ahoy, me fellow salty sea dogs and proud privateers! Cap’n Jim here to tell ye we have been bequeathed with an honor. It seems that we’ve been named a Top 20 Beard Blog by Feedspot. Outlandish, ye say? Pish-tosh! (That be pirate speak for “I disagree.”) Aye, the Cap’n tells it like it be, and… Continue Reading

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